he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
