So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
