Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
