You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
