I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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