Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
