just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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