There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
