A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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