i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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