I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
