The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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