I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
