I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
