So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
