Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A bitchslap is in order.
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