just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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