She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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