I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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