seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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