I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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