so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
