nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
