My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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