Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
