i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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