I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
