i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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