So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
