I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
