with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
