i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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