he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
