You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sorry about my life...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
