im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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