how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
