So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
