Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
