I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
