i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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