I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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