Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
