Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
