They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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