Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
