I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
