Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
