New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
