I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
