I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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