i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
