Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
